Comparing

I wrote this  year ago while focusing on the integration of 12 step principles with Integral Theory and Waking Down in Mutuality. It contains some 12 step language, and I am interested - how does this land on you, dear reader? Can you “translate” if you are not part of the 12 step fellowship?

We have the option to free ourselves from comparison. This is a truly great freedom. The world-renowned author and Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh recommends we free ourselves from the inferiority complex, the superiority complex and the equality complex.

What does that mean, the equality complex? Isn’t equality what we believe in, what we are going for? If you look deeply, all 3 “complexes” are based on our fixation on how we compare to one another. Comparison has got us into a lot of trouble. It has made us feel like we had something to prove, or has left us feeling ashamed and isolated. Comparing ourselves to others, we often felt like we did not fit in. Many times we can trace our addiction back to a way of dealing with feelings that came from comparing ourselves to others.

One of the slogans you are likely to hear in a 12 step meeting is “Don’t compare, identify!” To me this means that I can almost always find something in another’s share that rings true for me and that helps me with my own life. Regardless of differences in age, background, education or lifestyle, our commonalities exceed our differences.

So what? What can I expect from freeing myself from comparison? Freedom to be my true self! This takes a lot of courage. When people begin relying on their highest nature (Higher Power) for cues on how to act they are usually surprised by the clear, insistent impulses that arise. This is called intuition. Whether or not you “believe” in intuition, the scientific way is to experiment for yourself. You may find yourself inspired to do things that “feel right” even though they may not initially make sense.

As you begin to try this for yourself, you will learn to recognize which of these inspirations to follow, and in what way. This is a process of trial and error that probably goes on throughout life. It doesn’t mean we disregard logic, it means we no longer disregard our inner truth because it does not seem right by comparison.

Today may I have the strength and courage to stop comparing myself to others.