Emotional Safety

Heading Transforming Conflict; Awakening, others

Disclaimer: everything in this blog is my own opinion, of course. Sometimes I pull from other sources, and sometimes I can remember what those sources are! And then I list them. It is no doubt partial truth, from my perspective, and I welcome civil dialogue that adds to our common understanding.

In my experience, my emotional safety comes from within me. You could argue that that extends to physical safety as well. I remember teaching a nutrition series for Cooperative Extension in Las Vegas in a housing project in a rough neighborhood. I don't think I realized how rough it was until one day during class a man came in carrying a pistol case with the gun in it. He was no threat, in fact he was carrying the weapon because he was afraid. He seemed genuinely surprised that I, as a white woman, did not appear to be afraid. Evidently there was quite a lot of violence thereabouts of which I was blissfully unaware. We had a discussion about it and as I recall he tried to convince me that I should take precautions. Despite that, I never felt unsafe there. I don't advocate ignorance as a strategy for safety, far from it. I do think that habitual fear can lead to behaviors that predators recognize as "prey" cues, leading to increased likelihood of violent attack.

I learned about this in detail some years later from my qi gong teacher Master Mikel Steenrod of Water Mountain Martial Society in Flagstaff Arizona. Master Mikel taught people to stand, walk and move with confidence so as to signal predators that they were NOT prey. You could say that we are no longer in the jungle, but regardless of how civilized we are, I think he is right that many of our power interactions with others are based on animal signals and cues. We are human animals, we transcend and include our animal-ness, intentionally or not. Master Mike also teaches Kung Fu and other forms of self-defense so that genuine confidence arises based on a real ability to defend oneself.

Aside from self-defense moves, Qi Gong as a discipline teaches the practitioner to be aware of her own subtle body energy. This energy can be felt, cultivated, and strengthened so that there is a healthy, resilient cushion between the practitioner and outside forces. I honestly think this is one of the best ways to cultivate emotional safety.

I don't know how to describe these techniques or teach them in a blog format. Master Mike has a free online study course here http://www.h2omt.com/ (scroll to bottom of page). In our upcoming Waking Down in Mutuality retreat here in the Atlanta area, my partner Corwin and I will be leading morning Qi Gong exercises focused on cultivating emotional safety. We will work with the subtle body in physical ways, and  also teach Qi Gong meditation practices aimed at the same goal.

Why is this necessary? Will we not be in a safe place? With safe people? Yes indeed. But as I say emotional safety comes from within. Any time you are opening up and being vulnerable it is important to know how to to take in what others share and stay centered. More on this soon.